|
The Silent Treatment 5/20/2017
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the
man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake
him at 5:00am for an early morning business flight. Not
wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE),
he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00am"
and left it where he knew she would find it. ...
0 Comments,
21 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
|
|
Barbie Girl 5/20/2017
A dad is on his way home a bit late from the office when he realises
that it's his 's birthday and he has not
bought her a gift. So he stops at a toy store to buy his
a Barbie. Inside he sees a Barbie display and asks the salesgirl
how much the Barbies are.
The girl responds: "Which one? We have:
Gymnasium Barbie: $19.95 Volleyball Barbie: $19.95 Shopping Barbie: $19.95 Surfer ...
0 Comments,
20 Views,
1 Votes
|
|
3 Eggs And A Little Cash 5/19/2017
A women on her deathbed called her husband and instructed
him to look under their bed and open the wooden box he found.
He was puzzled by the 3 eggs and $7, 000 in cash he found in
the box, so he asked his wife what the eggs were for. "Oh those", she replied, "every time
we had bad sex, I put an egg in the box". Not bad, the husband thought to himself, after 35 years
of marriage, then ...
0 Comments,
13 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Chess 5/19/2017
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing around in the lobby discussing their recent tournament
victories. About an hour later the manager comes out of
his office and asked them to disperse. "But why?",
they asked as they moved along. "Because, " said the manager, "I can't
stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
0 Comments,
8 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
|
|
Brothel 5/18/2017
Two eight-year-old boys played in a vacant lot everyday,
and across the street was a brothel. Day after day they saw
men go up, knock on the door, go in, and eventually come out
happy and smiling. One day they became curious and decided to see what was going
on. The madam answers the door and looks down at the boys,
and asks what they want. They explain what they saw, and
tell her that they are ...
0 Comments,
16 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
MORE BLONDE QUESTIONS ANSWERED 5/18/2017
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex? A: Opens the car door.
Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex? A: Kick open the car door.
Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? A: More leg room.
Q: What do blondes say after sex? A: "Are you boys all in the same band?"
Q: Why is a blonde like a door ...
0 Comments,
12 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
|
|
Blondes and Oil Changes 5/18/2017
(1996, Texas) 45 year old Amy Brasher was arrested in San
Antonio after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages
of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the
car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change.
According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't
realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to
change the oil.
0 Comments,
8 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
2 Eggs 5/18/2017
Two eggs decide to get married. Along comes the big day and
everything goes to plan. But they are both very nervous
about the honeymoon night so the female egg decides to dress
up in a skimpy little negligee to help them get excited.
The husband comes along and sees his wife dressed like this
and all off a sudden runs into the bathroom and locks the
door. The wife is very shocked by his ...
0 Comments,
10 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
Date Site Descriptions 5/18/2017
You might find this amusing. Dating Site Descriptions
What they Really MEAN: !!!!
Female: Adventurous = puts the book down during sex, . Athletic = breasts, 30 something = 41, Fun = Annoying, Wild = gets pissed easily, Beautiful eyes = face like a robbers dog, Seeks knight in shining armour = Ex is a fxxxing nutter.,
New age = hairy and smelly bits, A bit head strong = Argumentative , ...
0 Comments,
9 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
|
The Man's Perspective. 5/18/2017
The site from a mans perspective, is strange and bordering
on sad, we get the various categories, which by not saying
to much, you don't seem to fit into, mostly the categories
include: 1) Look at me, 20 photos some with wind machine blowing that
Farah Forsett hair around but there not affected. 2) Don't smoke but the fag in hand gives it away but that
doesn't mater because the 2 cans of Stella ...
0 Comments,
6 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Husband And Wife 5/16/2017
TO MY DEAR WIFE:
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too late 49 times you were too tired 20 times it was too hot 15 times you pretended to be sleep 22 times you had a ...
0 Comments,
14 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
The Atheist And The Bear 5/16/2017
An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees'! 'What powerful rivers'! 'What beautiful animals'! He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling
in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot
grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder
& saw that the bear was ...
0 Comments,
9 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Man finds best fitness program till last 3/27/2017
Man finds out he needs to lose some weight quickly and sees
ad on back of newspaper saying ultimate fitness program.
He calls and asks for service.
Next day a fit blonde arrives and says "If you can catch
me, you can have me".
He chases her, loses pounds and has her.
Next day he calls and asks for upgrade. Shortly, a petite redhead arrives and says "If you
can catch me, ...
0 Comments,
16 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
Toys and boobs 3/23/2017
Two boys talking and one says to the other, "Why are
boobs like toys?"
The other boy smiles and says "Because they are fun
to play with but end up in your mouth".
Both smile. Thanks women for everything.
0 Comments,
7 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
|
|
What did the duck say to the ? 2/13/2017
Put it on my BILL!
5 Comments,
38 Views,
11 Votes
,3.92 Score
|
|
What did the psychiatrist say to the naked crazy man wrapped in Saran Wrap? 2/13/2017
I can CLEARLY see your('re) NUTS!
1 Comments,
18 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score
|
|
One Wprd Or Two 1/13/2017
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going
out with each other for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time
to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long
conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman ...
1 Comments,
30 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Making breakfast 1/13/2017
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful, "
he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE
are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful .
CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me ...
0 Comments,
29 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
|
|
Riddles with an X in front of the rated! 1/13/2017
Apologies if some are a little crass but some of them are
gold! . . . . X-RATED RIDDLES Q. What's a mixed feeling? A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in
your new car. ============================================= Q. What's the height of conceit? A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name. ============================================= Q. What's the definition of macho? ...
1 Comments,
31 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
|
|
When Jane met Tarzan 1/13/2017
When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle...
When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted
to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked
him how he had sex. "Tarzan not know sex, " he replied. Jane explained to him what sex was. Tarzan said, "Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all ...
0 Comments,
27 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
|
|
Composure Or Aplomb 1/13/2017
The British have such a command of decorum and aplomb to
which we can only aspire.
This message is for my friends who appreciate the finer
points of the English language used correctly.
His Lordship was in the study when the butler approached
and coughed discreetly.
"May I ask you a question, My Lord?"
"Go ahead, Carson , " said His Lordship.
"I am ...
0 Comments,
17 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
|
|
What Happened Next? 1/13/2017
A man is talking to his best friend about married life.
"You know, " he says, "I really trust
my wife, and I think she has always been faithful to me. But
there's always that doubt."
His friend says, "Yeah, I know what you mean."
A couple of weeks later the man has to go out of town on business.
Before he goes, he gets together with his friend.
"While I'm away, ...
0 Comments,
22 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
Simaltaneous orgasm 12/28/2016
A guy went to his dr and asked why it was he and his wife never
have an orgasm together and if there is anything he can do
to make it happen. The dr. told himthe next time you have
sex to put his pistol under his pillow. When he was about
to have his orgasm he was to pull it out and shoot it into the
floor. He said it would scare her so much that she would have
an orgasm. The said thanks doc, ...
0 Comments,
18 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Baby's First Doctor Visit 11/3/2016
Baby's First Doctor Visit
I hope it will give you a smile!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,
waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first
exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his
weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby
was breast-fed or bottle-fed. "Breast-fed, " she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist, " ...
0 Comments,
79 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
Satisfaction 10/25/2016
The masochist says to the sadist "Hit me." The
sadist hits , and they are both satisfied.
The masochist says to the sadist "I want you to hit
me." The sadist says "I won't", and
they are both satisfied.
1 Comments,
21 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
|
Banking 10/24/2016
Q. Why is banking like sex? A. After you withdraw you lose interest.
0 Comments,
9 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
|
|
About Laying Off... 9/9/2016
Two managers are going over their budget for the next year...
After analyzing expenses and revenues, they come to the
conclusion that they will have to lay off one of their two
assistants, Jack or Ann...
They go back and forth but can't decide who to lay off...
Finally, one manager decides that they should lay off the
first person who gets up from their desk...
In the meantime, ...
1 Comments,
77 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Young Couple... 9/4/2016
A young couple, on the brink of divorce, visits a marriage
counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife, “What’s
the problem?”
She says, “My husband suffers from premature ejaculation.”
The counsellor turns to her husband and inquires, “Is
that true?”
The husband replies, “Well not exactly, she’s the
one that suffers, not me.”
0 Comments,
38 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
Screwed... 9/4/2016
A guy asked a girl in a university library: “Do you mind
if I sit beside you?”
The girl replied with a loud voice: “I DON’T WANT TO
SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!”
All the students in the library started staring at the guy;
he was truly embarrassed.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the
guy’s table and said: “I study psychology, and I know ...
0 Comments,
60 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
|
|
Impotent 9/4/2016
97 year old man comes to his doctor looking depressed.
He says “Doc, I think I’m impotent.”
Doctor sits him down and begins the standard speech he gives
to senior citizens, about how as the body ages bodily functions
slow down and it is completely normal to suffer some decrease
in sexual desire. How the man shouldn’t worry or become
upset about it, but should just relax ...
0 Comments,
45 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
|
