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Vikingargo 67M
546 posts
8/14/2018 9:26 pm

My dear tsarah;

I know what a heavy heart you carry. Do the dreams go away? Speaking for myself, I pray not. I enjoy seeing my precious first grand daughter and my parents. I enjoy the memories of growing up and the joy of holding my granddaughter on her 4th of July, her only holiday.

Cherish your father and brother. They are forever a part of who you are. Seek the joy they each gave you. That will be their healing gift to you to allow you to go on with your living of the life you have.

Finally, cherish yourself. Use the memories of their love and life with you to validate yourself as one who cherished them.

At the same time, remember their use and trails they put you through. The pulling of your hair, the teasing of your sensibilities. Every close relationship has them. That will help put a foundation down for a proper memory of their human side. They were human after all.

Peace be on you.

VA


alt5250 61M
1283 posts
8/14/2018 9:29 pm

I am glad you are able to put something out. I remember a family member if mine who passed & I kept it to in...seemed a lot worse. It will take a while, but trust me it does get a bit better as time passes. (Hugs)


drmgirl622 68F  
25884 posts
8/15/2018 1:57 am

Each persons grief is so very different and approached in so many different ways. Don't let anyone try to give you a timeline on just when you should be over the whole thing. Just do you and believe me there will be a day when the good memories will come to the forefront.


brandygirasol 54T
9365 posts
8/15/2018 6:24 am

Girl you need to get over this and MOVE ON


kalbi1231 70M

8/15/2018 7:06 am

Don't be hard on yourself... everyone grieves in their own way, on their own schedule. No one has a magic formula to say, "it ends on this day". Just take care of yourself because they would want you to.


Plz2BNuPeg 71M

8/15/2018 9:17 am

Much wisdom from others. Having lost a child, it was a long time before I could do much beyond "left foot, right foot..." Having two other children helped because neither my wife nor I could just shut down - life went on. She would have been 30 last April and I still frequently think about her. For years I couldn't travel easily on a plane (a big part of my job then) and be near any crying infant. Clearly wasn't their fault, just some subliminal response on my part. And don't accept "you'll get over it" - the death of a spouse, significant other or child isn't something you "get over" but rather something you adapt to and eventually accept. The remorse, memories, etc. are still there as are the emotions/feelings; perhaps buried but still there.


JohnnyLightning 65M  
9548 posts
8/15/2018 1:02 pm

Grieving is very personal and different for one another. It's okay to feel your feelings for however long it takes.

Howling at the moon and mal ad osteo.


benoite 104F
6238 posts
8/16/2018 12:47 am

Grieving is different for everyone
and it takes much more time than we think.
Losing a loved close person is about the worst thing that can happen to us.
I hope people in your life understand that you can't be back to normal by now.
T&ake your time and be patient with yourself ....and take care of you,
hugs, B


Everything in the world is about sex, except sex, sex is about power. - Oscar Wilde


kittykitty1260 63F
15748 posts
8/16/2018 4:11 pm



“Who says life is fair, where is that written?”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride


TheBargee 68M
16315 posts
8/16/2018 11:37 pm

Good for you for writing this much. I do believe that expressing your grief is the best way to come to terms with it. Eventually as grief turns to acceptance the memories you will always cherish will become triggers for smiles rather than tears.

I hope that day comes soon.


anteater14 61M
2229 posts
8/17/2018 2:02 pm

I'm always at the end of an email if you want to talk - I may not be the best on sympathy, but I also see those who have passed visiting my dreams after so many years ..... it is the sub-conscious reminding you of who they are, and allowing angels back into the real world to reassure the living that they are safe and well now.

He is at peace now, and I'm sure he would wish the same for you - talk to the angels and they will talk back, and they will wish you long life and happiness - heed their words and listen to what they have to say, as you still have life to live and you need to live it joyfully, not sadly.

D xxx

Carpe Diem - the past is history, and the future is bleak.


heartofmush 55F
7884 posts
8/17/2018 8:23 pm

It only gets easier with a long time, but the first year is very hard.
i understand what you mean about the dreams, it is that time we see them, feel this happiness, and then we realise even in the dreams, as we wake that they are not there.
It is a bitter pill to swallow.
You are going to find people who will tell you to get over it, others will be kind, but back bite you in your grief.
You will find the strength that you need, but yes the lack of eating, lack of sleep, feeling like you are there physically, but so far removed, instead all very normal for the deep grief you are in. That is far too much at once.

Hugs.

The cut worm forgives the plow. W. Blake, Proverbs of Hell



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